check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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