Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
