Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
