God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
