was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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