ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
