I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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