1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
