just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
