; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
