i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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