The maid of honor just puked.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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