you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
