I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
