i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
