I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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