Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
