Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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