Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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