I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
