I want to have your abortion
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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