just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
