Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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