You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize