How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
