i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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