Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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