Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
