I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
