I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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