epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
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Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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