Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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