Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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