That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
