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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
