I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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