I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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