How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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