saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize