Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
