I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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