Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
