Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
