I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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