I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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