I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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