Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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