I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
