i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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