U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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