would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
