airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
