k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
