I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
