i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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