dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
