He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
