Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
