So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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