Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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