he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
