He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
