Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
