Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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