well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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