i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
