Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
