I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize