If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
