i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
