Plan B is the new Plan A
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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