just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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