Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
