I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
