Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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