can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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