That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
