Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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