At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
