You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
